30?

So thirty is approaching very quickly. I’m okay with it. Really I am . No. Really.

I say this not to convince myself or others, though it may seem that way. I am saying this as a figurative “cap” that I am placing on my life thus far. A life that is awesome, btw. (And I am not talking run of the mill awesome. I mean seriously awesome.)

The first 30 years of my life have included so many, many things. For starters. My first breath. That was a great time. Taking my first steps. Again, awesome. It was like I was meant to walk upright or something. School was a hoot. Well, the last few years were anyway. The middle kinda sucked, and I don’t really recall that much of the beginning. I do recall the smell of paste though. Sigh…. The good ol’ days.

I got married, taught for a short stint of time, had babies and created a life that I am proud to live for myself and my family. Each new day brings new firsts for me as I discover the world all over again through the eyes of my kids. It is so much better the second time around. I know now, how fleeting life can be. How precious each moment it. How fragile life is.

So as my b-day approaches in a few months and the dreaded 3-0 comes barreling at me like a freight train derailed. I think who the fuck cares? Odds are in my favor that I will live twice, if not three times that long in my life time. AND more importantly, for more than 2/3 of the 30 years I couldn’t consume alcohol (legally). The love of my life has only been around for 11 of the 30 years…though to him may seem like a lifetime, really is just a drop in the bucket compared to the 30+ years that lie ahead. (Sorry sweetie!) So I am really not seeing the downside as of yet. Granted, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die with a feature story on the evening news (finally my big break!!!)… I am not planning on that being the case, for sake of argument. But if it does, at least I got some nice new hair to show off…

So. To recap. I am in the best possible place I could dream myself to be in. 15 years ago, while sitting in a guidance counselors office, the very image of my life was in my head as I planned out my future. To say I am happy, and proud is an understatement. For this reason, I can’t wait to begin the second 30 years of my life. I can’t wait to see my boys experience the world. Their innocence breaks my heart as I know that too will be short lived. But someday,when they are 30 and I am 55-ish, and I look back on the past 60 years. I really wonder what I will be remembering. Travels? Love? Laughter? I hope so. I feel good knowing that now is the beginning of the next chapter of my life. I feel good about who I am , where I am, and who I am surrounded by. At 13, 16, even 22…. I didn’t have that insight. I wasn’t there. I am now though. And that is all that does matter.

Cheers!

How Time Works When You Have Kids

Earlier this morning as I was glancing at the clock for what had to have been the 20th time in an hour… I began to think how bizarre my life is. Well, maybe not bizarre, so much as my perspective is definitely skewed. My life is essentially lived in 5-6 hour blocks of time. 6am-noon, and then 3-8pm…. those are the “with kids” blocks of time. Then there is 12-3pm, which is naptime. And then 8pm on, which is when the kids have gone to sleep for the evening. I guess those blocks of time can be names “the kids are sleeping” blocks of time. So I live like this, day in and day out… it really doesn’t phase me. i like it even. I don’t think anyone would mistake me for an adventurous sort. Generally the simple things of day to day life are more than enough to keep me happy and content. Some may find that boring, but the way I see it, that makes me easier to please.

However, as I glanced at the clock, I swore it moved backwards. I thought the morning would never end. With two toddlers running around trashing everything in sight as I tried to maintain some sort of order, you can imagine how I felt. I am happy to say that luckily for me, there was not a breach in the space/time continuum, and the morning did in fact end. I sat down for a much deserved lunch in peace and quiet and piddled (piddled??) through my digital photos looking for a pic my mom had asked me for probably 5 months ago now. As i was looking I couldn’t get over how fast the boys have grown. It seems like yesterday Jackson was sleeping in a crib. Poor Charlie, I barely recall him being an infant with JAckson being barely one when he was born. Luckily Mike is a diligent picture taker, and I am now able to relive all the memories and choke back the tears that are full of a longing for yesterday. Kids are so precious. God I love being home with them. So of course I feel horribly guilty about my feelings this morning. The guilt then led me to this blog. My blogging has led me to an epiphany. Those don’t come often to me, so I had to document it. Being a mom is weird. The minutes drag on. Forever. When the boys are tearing up the house, wanting to “help” with making lunch/folding laundry/etc, crying, screaming, saying they are starving, then saying they don’t want to eat…you get the picture. Sometimes time DRAGS on. So the minutes drag, but the oddest and most ironic part of it all is that the years just fly by. So fast in fact that it is hard to remember little things like how your kids wanted to help you fold the laundry.

The minutes drag, but the years fly by.

I can’t be the only one

I can’t be the only one
who wants something else out of this life.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who wants to yell from the roof tops

that I am alive
that I love
that I am searching
that I need an answer
to an unknown question.
Please tell me that
you
are
alive
as well,

so we can together hope not to be the only two.

Author Unknown

Life as I see it…but in someone else’s words :)

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.”

- Charles Swindoll -